trainsaw.com

Last Update: 06.06.04

Being lazy has never been easier!

I think that a really great business venture would be to manufacture alarm clocks that automatically go off 15 minutes later than what you set them for. Stupid lazy people that always hit snooze a bunch of times could get them, and then they wouldn't have to go through the trouble of waking up two or three times. They could just get up when the alarm went off, and get the same amount of sleep with fewer interruptions.

Better yet, somebody could invent an alarm clock that doesn't go off at all. You could give it to those stupid people that live down the hall in the dorms whose alarms go off for 3 or 4 hours before the janitor comes in and cuts the power to their room. Now we just need some sort of clever advertising ploy. How about this: you get a $5 rebate for every F on your next report card. That way, everybody is happy except for the guy's parents, who suddenly realize that they wasted a whole lot of money for their lazy sack-of-crap son to go to college and sign up for a bunch of classes that he would sleep through.

Come to think of it, maybe they should just start inventing TVs or video game consoles that automatically turn themselves off at 4 AM or so, and the person could just use a normal alarm clock and try to lead a somewhat normal life as a normal member of society, doing something productive like driving a semi, collecting aluminum cans, or not-being-a-college-dropout.

That's probably going too easy on them, though. Maybe instead of alarm clocks that make noise, they should just release scorpions. Yeah, scorpions.