trainsaw.com

Last Update: 09.29.03

I can make fun of you whether you have cancer or not

It really sucks when you're trying to hate somebody, and then all of a sudden BLAM you find out they have cancer. Or maybe they have cystic fibrosis, multiple sclerosis, diabetes, psoriasis, or whatever so-called "genetics" make them black, gay, or legless. What's so wrong about hating sick people, minorities, cripples, or the permanently impaired? It's awfully difficult, not to mention elitist, to try to only hate rich smart white people (although that sheds an awful lot of light on why it is so many people hate Microsoft).

We all know the story—some poor little conjoined twins with no lungs overcome the hardships of their mental retardation to become musicians. And, surprisingly enough for something that was written by half-deaf crippled children with no lungs, their music sucks more than an army of vacuum salesmen in a demonstration booth. Why is it that people buy their CDs and talk about how they're "so brave" or whatever? It's not brave at all. Bravery is when a healthy white male like me tries to put out a CD of hoarse screeching tunes titled "The happy butterfly rainbow song" because I'm healthy so nobody has any qualms about giving me what I deserve (a heavy granite paperweight to the cranium). Nobody's going to beat up the crippled kids for sucking. But that doesn't mean you have to like it.

And everybody expects you to like these debilitated people. Out of every 10 people, I can't stand being near at least 9 of them, and the other 1 had better either be a) family, b) Nathan, or c) the pizza delivery guy. When you take into account the total number of people in the world with all of these various diseases, it comes to more than 10%. Conclusion: it is physically impossible for me to like all of the worthless diseased people of the world. So I should be entitled to hate at least some of them. If I make fun of them, people say things like "Hey, just because he has no arms and his head is caved in doesn't mean he's inhuman—he's a person just like everybody else." That's exactly my point. I'm trying to be as impartial and unbiased as I possibly can by not playing favorites with him. In fact, I'm hating him a little bit extra just to help him fit in.

Even worse are when people give scholarships to these subhuman conjugates of condemned buildings. They do it so that they can "fulfill their dream" or some sort of sappy proclaimed goal like that, which is a terrible idea because you should be giving degrees to people that will live long enough to actually be able to use them. I wish that they would just tell the truth and say "We're giving you this money so that people won't think that our soulless corporation hates invalids or puppies."

Then there are minorities. I'm sure you've all heard that rant before so I'm going to omit it. Suffice it to say that I think we should be allowed to freely and openly despise anybody we please, regardless of race, color, gender, creed, or sexual orientation. Hating them for those reasons are really rather pointless since you can justify yourself a lot more easily by hating them for being a moron. If you hate anybody for any of those reasons without taking into account the fact that they are, most likely, a moron, then I hate you and you are a moron.

The absolute worst, though, is dead people. People seem to have a big problem with you making fun of dead people. I think that's incredibly ironic, because it's not like you're going to hurt their feelings or anything. Everybody seems to just overlook that, though, because when you talk about how much you couldn't stand that one dude from high school and then somebody says "Yeah, he killed himself," you're expected to say something like "Oh, that's too bad," instead of "At least I won't have to watch him screw up trying to give me change at the grocery store any more." I mean, it's fine if you try to be an advocate for the crippled cancerous epileptic amnesiacs of the world, because they're not dead quite yet, but leave the dead people alone, because they obviously don't care any more.

Why does everybody spend so much time worrying about what dead and dying people think instead of trying to be nice to the people around them? Nobody is ever nice to the people they're in contact with every day, and that makes me so angry that I want to run outside with a card table and bash it into every person I see.