To ensure prompt service, please do not rob the bank
There's a sign up in my bank that says, "Robbers wear disguises to avoid being captured." I've always wondered why there isn't another one next to it saying "Normal people don't wear disguises because THEY WANT TO BE CAPTURED." I think that we really need to start paying more attention to the customers without disguises—I think that their behavior is obviously a cry for help.
The sign really needs to specify what classify as disguises, though. This one old dude walked in one day and the toupee he was wearing was obviously fake. I instinctively pressed the silent alarm and the security guard tackled him just before the dogs got there. Apparently he was just a normal guy, though, and wasn't planning to rob us at all. I apologized to him and then pressed the alarm again as he was leaving because I didn't believe him.
That reminds me, I've always wanted to walk into a bank wearing a ski mask. I'd just stand in line patiently for a while, and then try to make a deposit. If for some reason it didn't work and they tried to call the cops, I'd sue them for discriminating against people that were cold and wanted to put on a hat to keep warm. Now that I think about it, I bet it would be really hard to run a bank right next to a ski lodge.
