So I got bored the other day and Googled the word pancake. That's actually a complete lie, but I had to come up with some sort of good intro/segue into this picture right here:
I was surprised by this. I didn't think that the hard-working engineers at IHOP could possibly give us anything more. They already managed to create a bottomless cup of coffee—don't ask me HOW that works—and now they've come up with neverending pancakes. Physicists the world over are stumped by this brilliant invention that is seemingly a contradiction of everything we know. They need to stop debating, though: never-ending pancakes are here, and instead of arguing about whether or not everlasting breakfast is possible, it's time to start figuring out how we can use it to benefit society. I've already come up with some ideas:
-Neverending pancakes can be used as an eternal fuel source. They burn cleaner than fossil fuels (probably—I haven't actually done any research, but saying something burns cleaner than fossil fuels is like saying that a chain mail was written by a teenage girl—you don't really need to do any research, nobody will doubt you if you make that claim) and could very well be the answer to all of our energy problems. You could power cars off of pancakes, and if you get in a car accident, you could pop the hood, pull out the syrup, sit down and have breakfast with the other guy to decide who was at fault. This leads me to my next point...
-Pancakes promote world peace. Every time I see those videos of riots from the Vietnam era, I just think "If only those kids would have just sat down and had a few pancakes together with the police, none of this would have happened." If people had always had neverending pancakes, Martin Luther King, Gandhi, and Sean Connery would never have been assassinated. Additionally, with the introduction of neverending pancakes, the UN will no longer be needed to keep peace between nations. The Security Council will be renamed the Syrup Council, and the secretary general would be Aunt Jemima.
-If you feed birds pancakes they get too heavy to fly, and then you can run after them and step on them. I was debating putting this one higher on the list than world peace...
-Ethiopia could stop being the butt of all of the world's food-related jokes. Next time your mom tries to tell you that starving Ethiopian children would kill to have your vegetables, you can say "But mom, Ethiopians have pancakes!" Then punch her in the thorax.
Now we just need to get those IHOP engineers to work on the other problems of the universe, like how we can invade Mars.
