I was looking at a quarter the other day. I saw good ol' G Wash on the front and gave him a high five. Then I flipped him over and was shocked to see, not some cheesy state motto or a worthless sot with a musket and a triangular hat, but some sort of large airborne predator, presumably a hawk or an eagle. Smelling a rat, I ran to the bank to report this fake currency scam I had uncovered. What they told me there blew my mind.
Prepare to be floored: apparently, that's what quarters used to look like. In fact, after all fifty states have a stupid quarter, and maybe those filthy Puerto Ricans too, they may very well go back to looking like that.
But that's not the shocking thing. The shocking thing is still coming up. Get this: some people collect those quarters. First off, coin collecting is the most lifeless and empty hobby except, arguably, for Linux. Somebody needs to write a book called "How to collect coins without being a worthless drivelling worm." It could be a sequel to the smash hits "Stamp collecting is for zombies and communists" and "How to claw your eyes out - A few words for people who write free verse poetry."
Some people, though, seem to see these coins as an investment. They seem to think that their complete collection of hollowly patriotic state coins will be worth something someday. Well, I've got news for them: they're right. 20 or 30 years from now, their collection will be worth exactly twelve dollars and fifty cents. Accounting for inflation, this will be enough for them to buy three pints of gasoline which they can promptly chug to kill themselves for their wasted lives.
Look on the bright side, though: at least the Linux people aren't blindly deluding themselves into thinking that it will be worth something someday.
