Note to the video game industry: bring back gratuitous violence
Last Wednesday, Video Game producer Frontier Developments announced the upcoming release of the newest in their smash-hit "Tycoon" series: Tycoon Tycoon. The game lets you take control of a software company and release dozens of clones of the exact same game for your 26 dedicated fans. The game also lets your testicles completely detach themselves from your body and flee screaming from you in hopes of being devoured by a rotweiller—a far kinder fate than what you've subjected them to.
You have a fascinating level of control over the games you release. You can choose the graphics quality of your games (graphics settings: "No" or "Maybe"), aim to increase the plot or replayability of your games, or hire more developers to work on a project. Be careful, though—the more features you try to pack into your games, the longer they take to create. Add too many features and production time could soar from 2 weeks to as high as 5 or 6 weeks.
In a struggle to keep up in the games-that-mothers-buy-for-their-children-who-requested-Quake-3-for-Christmas-but-didn't-get-it-because-it-looked-too-adult market, Maxis has released yet another version of The Sims (better known to most of us as "Awkward-looking clay people game" or "paperweight"). Additionally, they announced that development is underway for their poorly anticipated title Sim Sims, where you control the life of a loser who stays at home all day playing the Sims, in which he controls a meta-loser named Carl. If you get his Sim XP high enough, though, he might be able to get Carl a date with Linda, and then his happiness points would surely increase tenfold.
At the same time as this announcement, Maxis announced that it has scrapped work on a much more promising title (pictured below) after One Million Moms (approximately 92% of Maxis' financial base) threatened to boycott.
Wal-Mart and Germany had already announced that they would not carry the title.
Upon hearing the news, gamers worldwide gnawed off one or more of their limbs. I mean, Christ, can't we just have a game where we shoot things? Is that really too much to ask?
