Don't you hate it when commercials all do the exact same thing and all of them are wrong? Approximately 37% of commercials use the same ploy: "__% of Americans do [insert crappy thing that people do]. DON'T BECOME A STATISTIC! Buy our product and you can avoid doing [insert crappy thing that people do]."
What's with this crap? Even if you're not in the 28% of people that do something, you're in the 82% of people that don't. Either way you're part of the statistics. And what's up with "becoming" a statistic? Do you suddenly sit down on your couch some day, and your absolute lack of a desire to live makes your body cave in and your arms retract and suddenly you're a fish? I mean, a statistic?
So if you're in marketing, and you were thinking about making a commercial like that: DON'T BECOME A STATISTIC. Also, if you're in marketing, just go ahead and kill yourself because I hate you. Then you can become a suicide statistic. Marketing people are the spawn of a sentient goulash composed of all things black and vile. They're so proud of their insane powers, because apparently nobody would ever buy food or cars if they didn't have marketing people screaming at them in cheesy white-guy voices reminding them that dentists still recommend that you use toothpaste. A lot of you probably don't even realize how much you should hate marketing people. You know popup windows and junk e-mail? There was some marketing guy that thought that up, and realized that if one person out of 800 million clicks on them, they're cost-effective. The downside is that you've earned yourself eternal damnation, but marketing people don't care about long-term consequences. So not only did marketing people come up with popups and junk mail—THEY GOT PAID TO DO IT.
