There's a difference between praying to the porcelain god and jumping into his mouth
One thing that I've never really understood is the argument over leaving the toilet seat up. I think this age-old dispute clearly illustrates the differences between men and women.
Men like to pee with the seat up. This is because we are men, and we can. This illustrates difference #1: men can pee standing up. When we pee standing up, we leave the toilet seat that way. Why? It's all about physics: when the toilet seat is in the raised position, it has more gravitational potential energy (GPE). You can view this as "stored" energy that can be released when you drop the toilet seat later. The reason men favor this higher potential energy state is because we feel it represents the high amount of power that we use to oppress women because we are evil.
But really—what's the big deal? It's just as much effort for guys to put the toilet seat down when they're finished as it is for girls to put the toilet seat down before they start. At first glance, it would appear that this makes it a simple power struggle, like doing the dishes. It's just a question of who does the work, right? WRONG! (Suck rhetorical questions, retard)
The primary difference between this and a typical power struggle is the fact that if guys just leave the seat up, we don't care. If girls don't put the seat down, however, they fall into a nasty toilet bowl that we probably didn't flush anyway because we're lazy (that reminds me of some words of wisdom I'd like to share: never date a girl that smells like urine. Just trust me on this one).
This is where other differences between men and women become apparent: if roles were switched and a guy were to fall into a toilet bowl once, he would, being the simple and straightforward person that men usually are, say "Maybe next time I should put the seat down." And then he checks to see that the seat is down every single other time before he tries to sit down, out of habit, to prevent that from happening again. It's like how you always lock the bathroom door behind you compulsively because of that one time when you were 5 that somebody walked in on you.
Women, on the other hand, take a different approach. They follow the chain of events backwards until they reach themselves, and realize that it's their own damn fault they fell in the toilet. But—and this is crucial—then they go one step further back, and place the blame there. Women do this all the time. It's called the "I blame everything on the thing that happened right before the point where I screwed up because I deem myself infallible" principle. Another example of this is how girls always punch you when you buy them a hot dog and it gets eaten by an armadillo that was prowling nearby, or how they get pissed at glassblowers any time one of their light bulbs goes out.
I have a solution though, for the men of the world that are stalwart enough to attempt it (read: can live through a few catfights or nagging sessions). Stop moving the toilet seat. Ever. If it's down, just piss all over the top of it (you know, like people do in public restrooms) and then go and complain about how some idiot left the seat down, so it kept getting in the way of your well-focused stream. Now they're screwed whether the lid's up or down—it's a urine bath either way, and unless they're a howler monkey they're probably not excited about that. Before long, they'll be in the habit of putting the lid down before they do their business and putting it back up when they're done, which will leave your place looking manlier and leave them smelling less like a high school janitor. Plus, she'll never fall in the toilet at somebody else's house and start nagging his leg off.
If this doesn't work for you, your only option is to make every woman you know gain 600 pounds so they can't fall in the toilet seat whether they want to or not. Then again, this generates a host of other problems that can only be addressed by a different article.
