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Last Update: 08.30.05
I'm with stupid
I was walking home from class today, and I saw a guy wearing a t-shirt that said "Pain is weakness leaving the body." I thought it was pretty interesting to put this on a shirt, since it sounds more like something that an 18th-century bloodletting expert would say, but while I contemplated the irony of this, the guy punched through a solid brick wall.
I've been seeing lots of shirts like that lately. You know, t-shirts that say "If you can read this, you're losing the race" on the back, or "My generic high school sports team will crush the opposition." And let's not forget "There's no whining jerk in team." Why do all of these people take themselves so seriously? I want to steal all of those t-shirts and just replace them with ones that say "ASSHOLE" across the front. The problem is, the people that wear these t-shirts would just put them on and say "Hey look—I have a t-shirt that says asshole! Pretty cool, huh?"
Those aren't the only kind of t-shirts I hate, though. I also hate the "righteous indignation" t-shirts. You know, the "I'm so unique that I wear a mass-produced t-shirt" t-shirts. Like "People like you are the reason people like me need medication", or "You laugh because I'm different, but I laugh because you're all the same." And then, of course, you have those "I'm so clever" t-shirts. You know, your typical crude sexual jokes that should probably have "HA HA I GET IT" scrawled next to them in crayon.
For all the things I hate about t-shirts, though, there's one nice thing about them. When I see someone wearing a t-shirt, it completely eliminates all need for me to talk to them. I can just keep my distance, satisfied that there's a special place in hell reserved for those people. Although someone will probably find a way to smuggle a keg into that special place, and they'll all walk around saying "DUDE COOL T-SHIRT" and "HEY SATAN! KILLER PARTY!" But as I was saying, there's no need to even speak to these people at all...if they try to approach me and strike up a conversation, I don't even have to put up a semblance of civilized conversation before concluding that they're a jerk. I can just bash their teeth in with a stapler, no questions asked.
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