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Last Update: 11.15.04

Uhh...uh...yeeeeah....yeeeah. Uh-huh.

Latest rap sensation uNethiKal is releasing his new album next Tuesday, and it's the most anticipated release since the Garfield DVD. In a complete breakthrough for music, uneThiCal isn't featured anywhere on the album. Every track features a guest singer, rapper, or yodeler, including his mother on the hit single "Jus' bakin' cookies".

When aksed why he doesn't actually appear on his album, he stated "Yo yo yo I want to give a shout out to all my homies." The interviewer did realize that he completely dodged the question, but decided not to point that out because—come on. It's freakin' UnEtHIcalL we're talking about.

Fans are already going ballistic over this album. It's already gone multi-platinum and it hasn't even been released yet. Sales statistics report that every angsty privileged white kid under 16 years of age has already bought 5 copies of it, and that MIDIs of his feature track "Cops Suck" are already gracing hundreds of blogs, from "Despair Diva's Chronicles" to "Nightlady Vixen's Stories of Woe" and everything in between. One fan that we interviewed reflected, "My parents totally don't understand me. But when I listen to UNéTHìKKàl, I can tell that he totally understands me, even though he had nothing to do with this album."

Misspellings abound on the album cover, mostly due to the featured artists in the track credits. Despite this seeming idiocy, unEthiCuL attempts to target more of a highbrow audience by bringing in an orchestra for one track, to "get old people in on this [poo]." Not to ostracize his original fans (or let them believe for a second that his music is no longer rebellious), UnEthekAl rips a huge fart in the middle of the orchestra's performance and DJ WWJD starts cutting it up with the triple turntable. Needless to say, it's probably the coolest thing that any 12-year-old has ever heard, and maybe even the coolest thing ever done in the history of life, Earth, and happiness.

When asked if he could sum the album up in 2 words, uN-eThiKal replied "authentic thug life."

Bio: Frank "unEThIkall" Steinberger is the son of Stewart and Rhonda Steinberger of Balmy Springs, CA. He was arrested at age 17 for impersonation of a black person and sentenced to 3 hours of community service. He still talks about all his "good friends on the inside." All of his tattooes are fake.