trainsaw.com

Last Update: 08.17.03

Army of Darkness

Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up! This is the third and final movie in the Evil Dead series, so if you watch them backwards then this is the first time that Bruce Campbell plays the part of Ash: part time employee at S-Mart and part time genius zombie killer that carries science books in the back of his car at all times. If you haven't seen any of the trilogy, leave our page right now and never come back until you've seen one and are worthy of standing in our presence.

One of the things that makes this movie so great is the quality of acting. The people of ancient England use their primitive technology to clone Ash, and Bruce Campbell does a masterful job of playing a dual role: Good Ash and Evil Ash. Sometimes it's hard to tell which one is good and which one is bad, but remember that only one of them is the guy with the gun. Bruce's ability to play a dual role surpasses even that of Jean Claude Van Damme in Double Impact. Needless to say, the movie is worth seeing for that alone. However, there is also some great acting by the skeletons. In this one scene, I was like, "Holy crap, those are real skeletons!" Then they did a great job of acting like they were getting blown up. The explosions seemed so real, I could almost taste the bone fragments, but then I noticed that I was choking on the live chicken that I was devouring.

The plot of this movie is pretty simple: Ash brings his superior futuristic knowledge of gunpowder, alloys, and spear fighting to the people of ancient England, who in turn share their knowledge of horseblanketmaking. Ash feels slighted by the fact that all he gets to learn is horseblanketmaking, so he asks to get sent back to his own time. The people in England realize that he's just going to try to sell his high-quality horse blankets in the sporting goods department of S-Mart, so they send him on a quest. Before they send him back to his own time, he has to find 3 artifacts: the Joystick of Justice, the Giant Inflatable Duck, and the Clod Of Dirt Shaped Like Ringo Starr Or Something. I'm not really sure about those, I kind of fell asleep through part of the movie, but I'm pretty sure it's kind of close to that. Anyway, I woke up when it got to the awesome parts where skeletons started dying (again).

Sam Raimi proves once again that he is the greatest director of all time, but Bruce Campbell still rules this movie with an iron fist. I give it 4 out of 4 primitive screwheads.

Note: Before you get too excited about chainsaws, remember that they can be dangerous. I knew a guy that cut his mailman's hand off with one...it was kinda gross, but then again it was awesome. Anyway, chainsaws are for killing zombies, not for cutting off unwanted body parts, unless, of course, they are unwanted zombie body parts.