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Last Update: 01.26.05

The Incredibles

Mr. Fantastic: I'm Stretch Armstrong, here with Mr. Fantastic to help review another movie. For those of you that missed our first review, it was awesome.

Stretch Armstrong: Indeed it was. Our movie today is another great superhero epic: The Incredibles. I think I speak for everyone when I say that this movie was incredible.

Mr. Fantastic: I was going to say that it was "fantastic."

Stretch Armstrong: That was the worst pun I have ever heard in my entire life. I should fashion a noose out of your arm and hang you with it.

Mr. Fantastic: But you started—

Stretch Armstrong: Anyway, down to business.

Mr. Fantastic: Right. The movie's antagonist—or maybe protagonist, I always get those two mixed up—is Mr. Incredible, a superhero whose name is so formulaic and nondescript that he really doesn't deserve to live. I mean, c'mon. Mr. Incredible...why don't you just call yourself "Mr. Neato" or "Mr. Great"? Frickin' amateurs...

Stretch Armstrong: Yeah, yeah, or call yourself "Mr. Clean" and roll around in a wheelchair and own a school for kids with superpowers.

Mr. Fantastic: Uh...I think you're thinking of a different bald guy...

Stretch Armstrong: Anyway...continuing on. So this fancy schmancy Mr. Fatso basically looks like a cross between The Hulk and Johnny Bravo. Enough about him, though...there is also a superheroine, Elastigirl—

Mr. Fantastic: She is SO HOT!

Stretch Armstrong: Yeah, uh...right. So anyway, she's married to Mr. Fatso here, and they have three kids, Violet, Dash, and Unimportant Scrub. Dash, however, is having some major issues with his super powers.

Mr. Fantastic: Plus his mom is hot.

Stretch Armstrong: Will you drop it already? Dash has the power to run super fast. Supposedly this is a super power, but I've been suspecting that maybe he just takes diet pills.

Mr. Fantastic: But at least his mom is hot.

Stretch Armstrong: Cut it out! We're here to do a movie review, right?

Mr. Fantastic: Movie review? I'm here because they told me that if I came in and said some funny stuff they'd hook me up with Elastigirl's digits. You have to admit, she's pretty elastasty...

Stretch Armstrong: Okay, that's just gross. Anyway, aren't you married?

Mr. Fantastic: Yeah, but I haven't seen my wife in a while.

Stretch Armstrong: Well that makes sense, your wife is the inv—

Mr. Fantastic: I think she's still living somewhere in the house but I can't really be sure.

Nathan: Hey guys, how's the review coming?

Mr. Fantastic: Hey jerk, how's the digits coming?

Nathan: Digits? What are you tal—

Jay: Oh, those? Yeah. Uh...they're...coming pretty good.

Mr. Fantastic: What's that supposed to mean?

Nathan: It means pass the popcorn, Casserole Man.

Stretch Armstrong: I think they pulled a fast one on you, man. She doesn't have a phone number. She's not even real, she's just a character from a movie.

Mr. Fantastic: Of course she's real! She's as real as you and me!

Nathan: Man this is some good popcorn. What kind is it?

Mr. Fantastic: Every time I think about her, I get the world's biggest boner...LITERALLY! Get it?

Stretch Armstrong: Okay, I can't take any more of this. I'm getting out of here.

Jay: See you later man. We can probably finish up the review on our own.

Nathan: Does it have extra butter or is it just regular?

Mr. Fantastic: I mean, I could probably poke an eye out with this thing...LITERALLY! Get it?

Jay: Yeah, or I could shove it so far up your rectum that you'll be puking it out for the next 3 days...LITERALLY! Get it?

Nathan: It looks like it's just regular butter, but it tastes so great.

Mr. Fantastic: Okay, fine. I can see that you guys have no intent to make good on your side of the bargain. Good luck writing the review without us, jerk.

Jay: Right, whatever. You guys are past your prime, anyway. We're the new breed.

Nathan: Whoever invented this popcorn should get the Nobel prize.

Mr. Fantastic: You are a bad person.

Jay: I don't have to pay at parking meters.

Nathan: Popcorn popcorn popcorn popcorn popcorn popcorn popcorn.

Jay: Hey man, they're gone. I think we need to finish the review on our own.

Nathan: My popcorn has a first name, it's P-O-P-C-O.

Jay: I don't even know where to start with this movie, though. Maybe I should have just given him a 900 number.

Nathan: My popcorn has a second name, it's R-N...O-R-N.

Jay: Popcornorn? Hey man, let's just slap a rating on this and call it done.

Nathan: You mean like "four out of four rotting fish heads impaled on an icicle"?

Jay: Works for me. Let's get out of here.